I dont know
by Annie Sullivan
Summary: This is the first few chapters. I wrote this all by myself, not a take off of anything. Its about this girl who finds out about herself from letter of her cousins.


_I want you to know this letter started on paper in English. Not the class but the dialect. Haha I know, me using the "old" technic of communication. I wonder sometimes if when I have children schools will even teach them how to hand write something, or if they will just have keyboards. If this happens do you think they will continue to use the ABC's? _

I set down my pen. That was the best opening line I could think of. Yes it was a little bit of a ramble, but my cousin loved things like that. Well she loved me, and I ramble. I picked up my pen again, and started to draw little hearts on the top of the paper.

"What you sayin'?" Momma hollered over the empty house. She knew I was writing Bobbie, and she was sure I was saying something bad about her. God forbid I ever said anything bad about Momma.

"I ain't saying anything yet, Ma! I don't know what to tell her!" I rolled my eyes at that last part. The truth was, I really didn't have anything to say to Bobbie. How could you come up with a weekly letter to a girl you only knew through the weekly letters and annual family reunions? Yeah Bobbie was my cousin, but she was also a girl, a real girl. Not like me, I don't even have boobs yet.

Momma walked onto the porch and smiled at me. One of her 'Jennie don't you be making up no stories' looks. "Im sure you could tell Bobbie about that boy, what's his name? Tomato? Lettuce?"

"Spin-age. It ain't the Vegetable either, its because he has spinney thingies on his car. You know the tire part. Anyhow his real name is Dean, and Bobbie don't need know nothing 'bout him." I rolled over and skimmed what I have wrote so far. Momma did have a point, I should have something to say to my cousin. No matter how surreal she seemed to me.

I crumpled up my paper and started over.

"Dear Bobbie;

Can I ask you a strange question? How long did it take for your boobs to grow? Im almost 13 and my boobs don't even fill out an A-cup. Do you remember when they came? Was it like you went to bed one night and woke up with 'em the next, or did it take time?

Love your cousin,

Jennie Lois."

I folded the letter nicely and stuffed it in the pre-addressed envelop, Momma had addressed for me earlier today.

"Momma im gonna walk down to the Five and Dime and mail this. You hear?" I screamed in the open door as I put on my shoes.

Our town still had a five and dime, although it was now more of a five and ten dollar, then five and dime. It was the only store in town, grocery, mail, and gossip. The owner was a little old man named Rex that gave us kids free Ice cream on hot days. He doesn't give me free Ice cream anymore though. Momma says im to old. That its only for the littlies.

I pulled on my shoes, and yelled for Snoop. He is my dog, a bassets hound with big blue eyes. My older sister, Joy, says that's unusual for a dog like him. Snoop was her dog once upon a time. Her husband, Roger, bought him for Joy for her when Snoop was just a pup. My sister was about 18 at the time, and I was about three. Later that year Joy Married Roger, they have two kids now and a third on the way. Joy says she is the luckiest girl in the world to have a man like Roger, as long as he ain't buying anymore pups. My sister hates dogs that's why Snoop is mine.

I ran all the way to the five and dime, with Snoop lagging in speed. Then I bought an ice cream for us to share.

On Sunday mornings Momma makes me go to church. She said it would save my soul, but if you ask me I don't think it will do half that much. I mean I don't understand half of what the preacher is saying, and I don't like to read the bible. Its borin' and just a little bit to scary for me. Monday afternoons I have Computer lessons. Our town only has the dial up internet, so its real slow at my house. Momma makes me go over to Mrs. Wyse's's house to use her internet, and learn how to improve my typing skill, so one day I might get to be a big secretary like my Momma. Momma says she just don't have the patience to teach me to type business letters. I told my momma one day that they had us typing in school since kindergarten, so I shouldn't have to take classes. Momma told me I had to take them, so I would be better at typing then anyone else in the town.

Tuesday morning Bobbie's letter came. I opened it on my way to school.

"Janine Lois;

Boobs, my dear what are you worried about? I tell you what missy, I wish I didn't have them, or even better that I could chop them off and mail them to you! Haha girl! I remember being your age, and wishing that the boob fairy would bless me! I swear Jennie, it will happen! Oh and hey you should know that it takes time, they grow, like you do. You weren't born that height you grew to it, and your still growing. Hell girl why would boobs be any different?

So I have a Job interview today! Yeah I know im so happy! It's at this fashion magazine, right in New York city. You know I had almost given up hope and move back to Poppies and Grandees' house! I tell you what girl, I love New York. It might be a cliche but I love it. I love Prada and Gucci, and all the other fabulous things that happen here.

You know I do miss the boys though. We had some cuties back home. Good old red neck hicks, they don't come like that here. All the men here are, funny, and not in the Haha way.

Speaking of boys???? I had my first boyfriend around your age? His name was Bobby Ray, and I was in love! Of course when we dated I had to change my name back to Barbra. Boy was Bobby Ray cute to! He had blonde eyes and blue hair. No im just playing, he had blue eyes and blonde hair, and he was tall. Taller then all the other boys.

So tell me you haven't kissed any boys yet!

Love with all my heart,

Barbra Helix"

I folded the Bobbie's letter. I didn't want to even start thinking of what I was going to write her about. She was way out of my league, I didn't have a rats tail of a hoot what a Prada or Gucci even was. Bobbie had always shocked and awed me. Since I was a littlie, she was eight years older than me, and hated my guts growing up. One year when I was 7 or 8 she dragged me thru horse manure at the family reunion saying the color fit me. It wasn't even my idea to write her, It was Momma's and Auntie Maggie's! _They_ worked out this arrangement when Bobbie announced that she was going to move to New York at the beginning of this month. Momma, or Aunt Maggie, no one can tell who was the real criminal mastermind there, thought that since I was starting Jr High and she was in a new place we could be each others support systems. I haven't decided what there punishment should be yet but im thinking it will be a nice retirement home when they is old. That-a-teach 'em ha! I can here myself now, 'Momma im in charge of you! I know what's best, and you simply can not live out side of this fancy home!' I have to word it like that too, because that's Momma's wording for things.

"Yo, Jennie!"

I spun around and came face to shoulder with Gregory Hanson. He was the sixteen year old boy who lived around the corner from me. His daddy was a lawyer and a good one at that, meaning Gregory had the prettiest red convertible in the whole town!

"Hello Little Mr. Hanson. Good Morning ain't it?" I said in my most cheerful, sweet, and cute voice.

"Don't call me Mr. Hanson, and god damn don't call me little!" he smiled and looked at my Mary Jane's. "Whys don't you jump in and I'll give you are ride, we is going to the same place."

My heart jumped, a ride! It wasn't that far and I really don't mind the walk, but a bad ride is always better then a good walk. I ran in front of the car and jumped in.

"Thanks a lot, Gregory?"

"Yeah call me Greg. I called you Jennie didn't I? Besides we are almost the same age, no need to be all polite." He smiled and shifted his car.

"Well I guess you did say Jennie! Greg." I buckled my seat belt as he peeled back into the street.

I had always liked Gregory, he would carry my books home from school when we were both littlies, as long as I swore to pretend like I didn't know him, or speak to him. He said the other boys would beat him up for talking to a girl.

"Bobbie;

Hello, hey, what's up? Momma said that's what the say in New York. Waz up?!?! Doesn't that make them sound like some sorta barn animal?

So like yeah im happy that you got a job interview! Maybe you will be someone, like a super model or an actress. Hell Momma said if you do good enough that you could be the next Prada...Oh yeah I asked her what that was, she said they made hand bags. Why would you put a bag over your hand anyhow?

I haven't ever kissed a boy, I don't even know how! Like I guess im scared that when you kiss you wont be able to breathe. Is that true? Oh and I cant understand why you would date some guy with the same first name as you? If I met a man named Janine I wouldn't date him!

Love Jennie!"

"Janine,

You cant blame someone for there parents mistake! Names aren't something that defines us, personality is the only factor. Bobby and I both cant help that our mothers loved that name. I know you know that.

I got the Job at the Magazine, im now the new girl that's goes and gets coffee while everyone lays out one page. Yeah all I ever see is one page, the 'hot list'. I don't even really get to touch anything, just watch other people and make phone calls. My boss says when I learn enough then I can add my two cents but until then I just need to watch and learn. But pss im a fast learner!

You know something I cant believe how sheltered you are! By your age I had already kissed so many boys! I swear tho, that you wont suffocate when you kiss, you just breathe out of your nose!

So tell me about all the cute boys in your new grade! How long have you been in school now a month? Three weeks? There has to be at least a million cute ones, now that you are in highschool.

Speaking of men, and we are speaking of men, I met one. His name is Landon. He is a great guy! He is a plastic surgeon and makes a lot of money. He also works on wall street as a stock broker. Kind of a half and half thing. We have already been on three dates, to the movies a really nice restaurant, Cafe Greco, it was nice my friend, then the next date we went to a movie. After that we had a date to the upper east side, he showed me all the rich peoples houses!

Well that about sums it up, my couple weeks in nut shell.

Barbra,

Ps. Why don't you change your name back to Janine? Its prettier."

I waited on my pouch for Gregory to pick me up, over the past week we had started a routine, he picked me up, we went to breakfast at the five and dime and then to school. After school we would meet in the 10th grade parking lot and he would drive me home.

I watched as Greg pulled up, he was wearing the biggest sun glasses I had ever seen.

"Hey Jennie! Get your pretty little butt in this car!"

I jumped off the pouch and ran to the car, "Hey Greg, thanks for being on time today!" I flashed him my biggest smile in hopes that wouldn't be angry with my razzing.

Instead of getting angry he grabbed the strings from my cut off jeans. "Aren't these a little short for school?"

"Do you not like them?"

He smiled "I love 'em, they show off your legs. I like this shirt too. Cant believe your Momma let you outa the house in a tube top with out a bra." He grabbed the top of my shirt and rubbed it.

" Bobbie;

Wow a guy? Gollie don't he make you nerves when he touches you?

And Janine sounds like a old woman's name."

"Janine;

Neves? Like what do you mean? Honey you have my number this sounds serious call me as soon as you get this!"

I sat around an watched the clock. Momma would be home soon, and today we had to talk. It was Monday and I had skipped my typing class to go watch Greg's baseball game. Around here baseball was a big thing. 'Cept I told Old Mrs Wyse I was ill, and she having a son on the same team as Greg was there, in the stadium, mad as a bat strait outa hell at me for lying to her. She told me she was gonna tell Momma tomorrow morning so I best be the one to warn her tonight.

I set to work in the kicten. Momma always likes it when I make dinner before she gets home, seeing as its just the two of us. My daddy had worked in the feilds everyday for as long as my sister could remember, one day he got tired of it and left. Momma says thats the same day that they made me. She says I remind her of daddy sometimes, they way I love her and Joy. Deep down I always have thought that maybe if daddy had known about me he would have stayed, he would have built tree houses with me and taught me how to ride bikes, just like all the other kids in towns daddy's do. We don't really talk about Daddy tho, Joy refuses, guess she is to hurt that he left, and Momma crys when ever he is brought up, Poppies has told me everything I know about him.

I took out the big bowl that we use for salad, and started dumping hamburger meat into it, then eggs and celery. Momma was going to be pissed as a wet sheep when she finds out about me skipping lessons today. Meat loaf might make it better, but I don't think so. Grandee had taught me how to cook when she was up to watch Aggie be born. Agatha djinnis is my sister's gonna be middle kid , she's 8 years old, and a real good kid. Anyways the year Aggie was born grandma taught me how to cook so if I needed I had something to eat.

Momma walked in just as I was taking the Meat loaf out of the oven.

"Janine Lois Danes! You are in so much trouble I cant even see strait! I have never in my life been so disappointed in a human being as I am with you at this very moment! You better set this table and dish up what ever I smell cooking, because girl I want to whoop your butt right now, and the safest place for that damn toosh is to be in a dining room chair!"

I did as I was told. Momma wasn't a woman to be foolin around with. She said jump and if you had a lick of sense you would ask how high ma'am.

Dinner that night wasn't pleasant, Mrs Wyse had lied when she said tomorrow, because come to find out she saw Momma tonight in the Five and Dime looking for fabric to make me a dress for the dance. The dance I didnt even have a date for yet.

"Bobbie;

I don't need to call you, I just was thinking if I had a guy with his hands on me I would be nervose. Speaking of guys, you said you wanted to know if I had found one yet. Well sit down and hold onto something becasue today, Gegory Hanson asked me to the dance next month.

You don't know who he is but I can describe him to you and all that jazz. He is tall like six feet or so, real skinny with brown hair and green eyes. He says im real pretty. That he really likes me and that if I say its ok, he wants to kiss me at the night of the dance. Im so nervose it isnt funny. Momma gave me some money and I went to the Five and Dime looking for those Crest White strips but all Rex has is a knock off brand. I have 'em on right now as a matter of fact.

Me and Momma got into a fight last night, I played hooky and I got caught. Momma said that I was just as bad as any other kid. That I should be ashamed. I feel right darn awful bad about it but well gosh darn I just don't think she has all that much right to be mad at me.


End file.
